Hu’s on First (By James Sherman)  

George Bush’s Office

George: Condi! Nice to see you. What’s happening?
Condi: Sir, I have the report here about the new leader of China.
G: Great. Lay it on me.
C: Hu is the new leader of China.
G: That’s what I want to know.
C: That’s what I’m telling you.
G: That’s what I’m asking you. Who is the new leader of China?
C: Yes.
G: I mean the fellow’s name.
C: Hu.
G: The guy in China.
C: Hu.
G: The new leader of China.
C: Hu.
G: The Chinaman!
C: Hu is leading China.
G: Now whaddya’ asking me for?
C: I’m telling you Hu is leading China.
G: Well, I’m asking you. Who is leading China?
C: That’s the man’s name.
G: That’s who’s name?
C: Yes.
G: Will you or will you not tell me the name of the new leader
of China?
C: Yes, sir.
G: Yassir? Yassir Arafat is in China? I thought he was in the
Middle East.
C: That’s correct.
G: Then who is in China?
C: Yes, sir.
G: Yassir is in China?
C: No, sir.
G: Then who is?
C: Yes, sir.
G: Yassir?
C: No, sir.
G: Look, Condi. I need to know the name of the new leader of
China. Get me the Secretary General of the
U. N. on the phone.
C: Kofi?
G: No, thanks.
C: You want Kofi?
G: No.
C: You don’t want Kofi.
G: No. But now that you mention it, I could use a glass of milk.
And then get me the U. N.
C: Yes, sir.
G: Not Yassir! The guy at the U. N.
C: Kofi?
G: Milk! Will you please make the call?
C: And call who?
G: Who is the guy at the U. N.?
C: Hu is the guy in China.
G: Will you stay out of China?!
C: Yes, sir.
G: And stay out of Middle East! Just get me the guy at the U. N.
C: Kofi.
G: All right! With cream and two sugars. Now get on the phone.
(Condi picks up the phone.)
C: Rice, here.
G: Rice? Good idea. And a couple of egg rolls, too. Maybe we
should send some to the guy in China. And the Middle East.
Can you get Chinese food in the Middle East?…


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